Economic Insecurity

As anyone who has been at enough AA meetings will tell you, there is this excerpt from the AA book called 'the promises' that is read at many meetings and it is my favorite reading. My first six months, my latent bitterness and anger would mount when I heard this reading. I considered it a sales pitch and I was certain the gifts outlined in the promises would never come true for me. I was wrong, just as I am sure many other alcoholics were. As I continued to come to meetings and work the steps with my sponsor, these beautiful miracles unfolded in my life one after another and I was given 10 fold more than I thought was possible.

However, I still struggle with economic insecurity. God has always provided, although sometimes it was tough. My husband sustained a debilitating back injury and ugly relapse 18months ago and I thought we would never get through. I got a second job that I could take the baby to on weekends and we pinched every penny and made it through with lots of tears and prayers. My husband healed and found a job that fit his physical limitations (another miracle since we live in Michigan during the worst economic blight this state has seen). The job is far from perfect, but it is a job. Yesterday, my husband's supervisor once AGAIN took money out of his check because there were two holiday days this week and the asshole rhino just decided not to pay people for holiday days. I am furious and, of course, the bottom line is fear. I am terrified there won't be enough and I feel like this A LOT. My fear of economic insecurity increased exponentially when I had a kid. Suddenly, I have to bring home the bacon or this little being will starve. The reality is we have never really come close to starving and, as I mentioned previously, God has always brought us through. So, why is this fear such a big one for me? My husband (who is really on my sweetheart list right now) is out busting his butt on sidejobs this weekend and I know he has more coming down the pipeline. I am going to straighten this house up and drink some coffee and do some praying while Manther sleeps. I am tired of letting fear rule me.
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