Thursday, January 18, 2007


"Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery." - pg 569 Big Book

I attended my weekly AA meeting last night and we spoke about honesty at the table. I did my best to relate my most recent dishonest, alcoholic behavior (a smoking relapse and then stashing the pack of cigarettes in the car for weeks afterward planning my next smoke). Everyone else at the table shared similar dishonesties and it was a good table. I really felt like everyone was being honest with their behaviors and/or feelings.

But, I think there is a bigger problem that I was not honest about because I was not very brave at the tables. I relocated from a small college city/town to the suburbs a few months ago. It was difficult because I left the AA family I had gotten sober with and I was very close to them. I am having a lot of trouble connecting with my new AA family. I feel like an ex-junkie surrounded by housewives who used to drink. The reality is I have never emphasized or even shared specifics about my drug use, I frequently share about my problems with alcohol, I live in the suburbs, I own a house, and I am a wife. I appear to fit the criteria for a housewife who used to drink. I just really feel like an outsider looking in. I am sure that this is a problem that will go away with time and I will eventually start to feel like part of. I am trying to remember if I felt this way when I first came into the program. I was in treatment and we went to meetings as a group, so I guess I was already part of a group and that group melted into the larger group of AA.

I do know this. I will definitely not let this stop me from attending meetings and I will do my best to connect with the other women in recovery.

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