Monday, April 30, 2007

3rd step prayer

I'm working on the third step today and it's a struggle for me. It's really gets in the way of what I want and I HATE not getting what I want.

It was a beautiful weekend and we celebrated Manther's birthday. This meant lawn mowing and housecleaning and shopping and cooking all scrunched into Saturday day so we could decorate and celebrate on Sunday. Of course, hubby was working both days so I was running around like crazy. I am getting used to this and I didn't mind. Also, I had to take 2 hours out of my day on Sunday to run materials to hubby's job site, but I didn't mind this, either. I could squeeze it in before the party and I was able to help him out. I really love my family, house, and home life and I like being able to throw myself into the weekends and get stuff done.

The weather was beautiful and the extended family came over for the party and the meal was yummy because Grandma helped cook it (I was running materials to the job site, remember?). Then, grandma (my mom) pulled me aside and told me that my dad got drunk, drove, and ran into their garage door. He didn't just hit it. He drove all the way to the middle of the garage before she ran out to stop him. His drinking is out of control and, if we don't get him into treatment, he's going to kill somebody. Mom's going to make some phone calls to determine what we can get him into and we're going to proceed with an intervention.

I don't want to do this. I just want it to go away. I just struggled through my husband's first couple years of sobriety and I'm not prepared to go through the drama with someone else. I want to fix up my house and have another baby and make more money and move to a nicer neighborhood and be Ward and Beverly Cleaver. Apparently, this is not what God had planned. I am praying and I am praying and trying to accept his will. It might be a while before I have peaceful and serene acceptance of this situation, but at least I am working that direction.


Shadow said...

watching someone else and wanting to help someone with this dreaded additction is so hard, especially when they are close to you. i watched it with my dad too. and we tried to help, but to no avail. if they don't want to get help, you can't make them unfortunately. that i know for myself. i wish you lot of luck and prayers there...

lushgurl said...

I love the third step prayer. One of my early sponsors would refer me to it every time I started looking like self-will run riot, which was often!
As far as your dad, you are powerless, however, I believe that if he sees you living a healthy sober life, just maybe an intervention could help.
All you can do is continue taking care of you and your family, your dad is in His hands!

Semi-Charmed said...

It is precisely that kind of powerlessness, the truth that I can't make other people behave as, or treat me as I would like, that finally drove me from resting on my 3rd step and drove me into furious 4th step work. I remember one day leaving a scene not too unlike the one you describe, repeating to myself "I'm powerless, I'm powerless, I'm powerless" all the way home where I promptly picked up my notebook and began to write.

I haven't stopped yet.

My mother hasn't driven through the garage. My step dad grazed the side of it. My mother wiped out a big chunk of a cemetery. Happily, nobody was killed, since they were already dead.

Murphy's Law said...

Hi i am Kevin and i am an Alcoholic...
I believe that a higher power is working for your Father just as he/she is for you and your husband, and for everyone.
Maybe bring him to an open AA meeting and maybe he will bring himself to a meeting (eventually).
I will pray for you and your family.

kim said...

I just became willing to do my third step where I give every aspect of my life to my higher power and quit my petty plans and resentments. Wow, now I have time to clean my house and talk to people normally. I am kind of relaxed and feel love, hope, and compassion for those that are still in the throes of addiction. Well I'm quitting smoking today also because I do not beleive that is HIS WILL. I just feel great that I have the tools to succeed. Nothing else I ever tried has worked. I hear a lot of people in my life still carrying around resentments for people that are drinking in their lives. I really had a great wonderful week so far and I just started giving things to my HP on Tues. He took bad people away and it has been delightfully peaceful around here. I even went out last night and did something fun. THey have these overnighter performances that are written, directed, and acted out all in one 24 hour period. I haven't laughed that hard in so long. whew...i can laugh again. Thank you third step.