Tuesday, February 27, 2007

My recovery is my own responsibility

A few weeks ago I was contacted by a friend who I spent a lot of time with before I got sober. I lost touch with this friend when the drugs took control and I began my slalom ride downhill. She inquired about my life and I told her bluntly why we lost contact, how I got sober, and how wonderful my life is today. While summarizing the lost years and my recovery, I mentioned that my boyfriend at the time we knew each other was worthless. She replied with a friendly email about her life and expressed how glad she was that I was healthy again. She indicated it was my ex-boyfriend's fault I was strung out on drugs and I was lucky to be rid of him. I wanted to disagree, but I felt she would misinterpret my words as a tender heart rather than a woman owning her part in something. My ex used drugs. That was one of the things that attracted me to him. I begged him to let me try heroin and I watched him cry when I put needles in my arms. He was not an upstanding citizen or a healthy person at all, but he was also not responsible for my drug use. My abuse of drugs and alcohol was my responsibility, just as my recovery is my resposibility. I left him behind because he would have jeopardized my sobriety, but I am not sober merely because I left him behind. If I had not found recovery, I would have found another worthless man that fit my drugs and alcohol lifestyle.
My old friend lives many states away from me now. It was great to hear from her, but I am glad she is a distance away. My recovering friends won't let me pin the blame on an ex-boyfriend, an abusive parent, or a cheating spouse. It is my responsibility to live in recovery and I want my friends to hold me accountable.

1 comment:

Gwen said...

I totally agree~