Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Cats and Dogs

This is not mine. It got forwarded to me via email yesterday and it made me laugh. I hope it does the same for you.
First, A Dog's Diary:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary" Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

Happy Middle of the Week!


Omara said...

I thought cats could go and come as they pleased? :-) Very funny.

Toni said...

That is hilarious! And why I have a dog!

Momish said...

That is too funny! It just seems like exactly what a cat and dog would write and how they view the world. Thanks for the laugh!

Trudging said...

I should have gotten a dog, I have a cat who hates me.

Christine said...

I sent this to some animal lovers I know---thanks for the fun

lushgurl said...

I saw this before, and laughed just as hard this time, dontcha love it?
Hey, you'll be with me at my B-Day-in my heart- thanks for that Nael!
Love ya

Dana said...

I received that e-mail a while back and made a copy for my vet. They hung it on the bulletin board and told me everyone that sees it laughs hysterically!